In Mem-Miriam

Miriam Johnson VerStrate, July 2, 1946 - October 19, 1999

Meditation Delivered at Wyoming Park United Methodist Church, October 22, 1999

On behalf of Wayne and Miriam’s family, welcome to this service of celebration.  In the time we have together now, let our music and words become instruments of healing and mercy for all of us.

God is present here, offering what we cannot provide – the grace that will bring comfort in pain, hope in our sorrow, resurrection in the midst of Miriam’s death. 

We want you to know how much we appreciate the outpouring of love that we have felt over the past few days.  Her ending came so quickly, that we are still unable to completely take this in, this final curtain.  So bear with us as we try to make some sense of it by framing her death in familiar words, and the music that so enriched her life and ours.

We hope you will join us in processing to the cemetery if you are able, and then back here, in the Fellowship Hall downstairs, for Miriam’s kind of gathering – finger food and talk.  If we don’t speak to you personally today, it will not be intentional.  Just know that your presence, each one of you, is a powerful statement to us, and we give thanks for you today. 

Miriam was a kind of director in life.  At an early age she directed concerts with her cousin Lynn whenever our families would gather for holidays.  She directed her siblings inasmuch as she was able with strong-willed sisters and brother.  As a teacher she directed numerous concerts, holiday programs, and musicals.  She directed the Wyoming Park United Methodist Church Choir when she was just out of college.  She directed the Worship Ministry at the church in ’98 and ’99.  She directed “David’s Harp,” a choir formed in 1998, to add another dimension to music at the church.  She would have directed our Christmas Eve Pageant this year, “The Innkeeper’s Story,” a music that she and Debbie wrote this past summer and fall. In all these endeavors, she helped people see possibilities.  She was an artist whose vision ran way out in front of the rest of us.  Yet her leadership quality was the kind that pulled you along with her, gently if possible, forcefully when necessary, to draw out our potential.

So it will not come as any surprise to you, that she has directed us in preparing this service.  Even in her dying, we have been helped by her ability to seize the moment and work it to the fullest. 

It’s true, what Jesus said, about those who believe:  “Even though they die, yet shall they live, and whoever lives and believes in me, shall never die.”

Let Miriam’s new life come forth now, as we sing and prayer and speak of her with thanks to God for granting us the privilege of knowing her in this all-too-brief season.

We invite you to begin our worship by singing number 347, “Spirit Song.”

Words have power.  In the Bible, words do actually create.

God spoke, and with each word, came life.

You and I speak, and with each sentence, we change the moment; loving words form relationships; hurtful words break them apart.

Words are powerful.  And when words are used to deepen our understanding of religion, they have a kind of power that is immeasurable.

A fairly well-know public figure recently drew attention from the media by announcing that religion was for “weak-minded people.”

I wonder if he thought that was a new idea?

I wonder, if the boisterous governor were brave enough to sit in Miriam’s A.P. English classes, and wrestle with Shakespeare, Donne, Dickens, Hemingway, Melville, and Morrison…whose mind would find the contest way too much of a match?

Wayne, tell us, who was everyone’s choice for a partner in Trivial Pursuit? 

Whose sisters-in-law nicknamed her “Val,” affectionately short for Valedictorian, Kentwood class of ’64?

Who came each week to our Grand Sweep Bible study, with so many questions that the lesson plan got scrapped not once, but many times, because her questions brought much more life to the discussion than anything that was planned?

Miriam taught us that our minds are wonderful tools from God, and so when she studied the Bible, she took it on, as with a hammer and chisel, chipping away with a vengeance, to find the hidden truth wherever it would take her, never backing down from the hard questions, and pushing us all to the heights of our intellect, and beyond.

She saw the mysteries of the Bible as a challenge to explore, and she applied her gifted mind to searching the depths of theology.

Weak-minded?  I beg to differ.    

This was a strong woman with a strong mind, who expected just as much from us as she expected from herself, and in so doing, she helped us grow along with her.

I think she understood that the ageless questions raised by religion – questions of life and death, wholeness and brokenness, joy and pain, revenge and reconciliation, justice and love…

These were questions that, whether or not we ever discovered answers, God invites us to ask them, because in the hunt, we become more disciplined, more refined, closer to the perfection that God desires of us.

So she befriended the questions, unafraid, and her love for the intellectual stimulation of the world of ideas, whether through music or literature or faith, or any combination of them, has inspired us to live more fully.

Miriam, in fact, was the consummate educator.  And therefore I think she would be pleased to know that, though she gave us many gifts, we think of her especially today as one who gave us lessons to be learned.   

Her lessons are a gift to us.

You who are or who were her students – you have our envy.  You have been privileged to interact with a teacher who got her kicks by seeing others enjoy learning as she does, to experience the exhilaration in the birth of an idea, and the electricity generated when that idea is sharpened and shaped.

1.       She taught us to speak the truth, unafraid. 

Miriam could deliver a scathing tirade to a friend, or she could pour gentle soothing oil over an enemy’s anger.  Some of us would soften or harden our words to fit the occasion.  Not Miriam.  She said what needed to be said in the moment.

A lesson learned: Speak the truth to all people.  It will set you free.

2.       She taught us the value of friendship.

I would be curious to know how many people here in this room actually think they were Miriam’s best friend.  We could start a club and all wear a button that says, “I am Miriam’s best friend.”  She had a way of making you feel as though you were special. 

Her friends were so precious to her.  She understood that we need to share life, for healing, and also for honest confrontation.  She trusted that friendship was stronger than any differences of opinion.  And she forged on ahead without fear, because she knew that true disclosure of feelings was the key to deep trust between people.  And deep trust was the only basis for human relationship, as far as Miriam was concerned.

A lesson learned: Put great effort into creating friendships, for they are a treasure.

3.    She taught us that it is important to know people.

It’s important because when you really know them, you can help influence their life.  The religious word for her style of teaching is incarnational.  Because she got inside people and saw them as they are, she had no use for that tiresome debate between public education and religion.  She lived “the word made flesh.”  St. Francis of Assisi once said, “Use any means to preach the gospel.  When necessary, use words.”  That was Miriam.

Debbie asked Wayne what was one of the first things he remembered about Miriam when she came to Wyoming Park High School.  He tells this story:

Wayne had had a couple of great years as a basketball coach – won a couple of championships.  But that particular year, talent was weak, and well into the season it appeared that this would not be a memorable one.

He was bemoaning this fact one day when Miriam said, “You know, I like that Eddie Westerhoff. Why doesn’t he play very much?”

Wayne said, “I don’t know.  He doesn’t show too much hustle in practice.”

Miriam said, “Why don’t you put him into a game and see what happens?”

So, at the next opportunity, Wayne put Eddie into a game.

And do you know, Eddie was the spark plug that this team needed to turn not just that game, but the whole season, around?

Instead of the cellar, the Vikings ended the season in second place.

After it was over, two school board members came to Wayne and told him, “You’ve had better years; teams with more talent than this one.  But this year was the best coaching you have ever done.”

Miriam had gotten inside Eddie Westerhoff – knew what made him tick – and recognized what button to push so that he would rise to his potential.  She knew that some people need to see that you believe in them, before they have faith in themselves.  And so a second-string player became the catalyst for a remarkable recovery, and for his coach, an unforgettable season.

A lesson learned: If you would influence people, get to know them.

5.       She taught us to care for each other.

She was always concerned for you, for your feelings and for how you would react.  She told me recently, I’m not worried about myself.  I worried about Wayne.  She knew him better than anyone, so she knew what this would mean for him.

Wayne, you’re going to have to help us understand that.  We are with you; though you will be alone, there is no need for you to be lonely.  You may have to rise above that Dutch stubbornness, or is it stubborn Dutchness, and confess your need once in a while in case we aren’t paying attention.

A lesson learned:  Whether we know it or not, we need each other.

4.    She taught us to say good-bye.

In our family, whenever you get together, there are actually two events scheduled.  There is the occasion itself – a birthday, a holiday – and then there is the good-bye.  Good-byes are an event in themselves.  Most people come to a gathering, do their thing, and when it’s over, they leave.  Wayne often said, that when Miriam decided it was time to go, he could count on another 30 minutes before he should go get the coats.

Saying good-bye was a ritual that required time; she always had one more thing to say to you, it seemed.

And even at the end, when we actually thought she was leaving us last Friday, she kept on going.  Saturday when she was hardly speaking anymore, she said to Judy, as clearly as she ever spoke, “I have so many more important things to say.”

That’s how it was with Miriam.  She loved to talk, and she especially got going just about the time she, well, got going.

You’d be on the phone with her, and think you were about finished, and then she’d start in on a whole new subject.  And you never minded that, because it was rich, and meaningful, and you always felt as though you wouldn’t want to miss any conversation with her. 

So when she said good-bye at the end, it was a  classic, full-blown Miriam good-bye.  It took not 30 minutes, but actually about 3 days.  It was the icing on the cake.  Matter of fact, some of us think she directed this event, too.  Shelby’s birthday was Monday, Debbie’s was Wednesday.  So when did Miriam leave?  Tuesday!  So as not to tie the birthdays of loved ones to a sad occasion.

A lesson learned:  There is an art to leaving.  And Miriam was the artist.

Finally, this:  Each of you brings your own unique faith to this service today.  Whatever your faith may be, understand that it is a gift from God.  It was not earned, nor will it grow by your efforts.  It will grow because God wants it to.  And God will use your life to help faith blossom in you.  Whatever your circumstances, they are not beyond the capacity of God.  However feeble you may feel; however soft or hard you believe your heart to be;  however strong or weak  you think is the soil of your spirit; wherever you are on this journey, it is the right place, and right time, right now, for God to speak to you.  If you have trouble believing in God, then believe in the God that Miriam believed in.  That will be a pretty good start.

So good-bye, Miriam.  We’ll see you again, and whether it is later or soon, we look forward to that glad reunion.  Your nephew Nick says that you are probably saying, “Okay God, now this is how we are going to do this.” 

It wouldn’t surprise us.